You were born worthy of the greatest love.
Depending on your circumstances, this may be one of the hardest truths to believe.
This idea that you were born fully deserving of being treasured, loved and honored. This idea that you are amazing just the way you are, and nothing you change externally makes you more worthy than this very moment. This idea that you are enough.
In full transparency, I am only just getting used to this idea myself. We have long been conditioned to believe that you are rewarded for good works and punished for less desirable behaviors. We therefore deduce that any goodness we receive is down to something we’ve done. If we lack these good things, we assume there is something lacking within us.
When it comes to deserving love, this is simply false. If you have been single for an extended period, recently suffered a break-up, or endured an abusive relationship – this does not mean that you are now not worthy of love. Often, we can be tricked into thinking that we are tainted or ruined, because of these situations. You start to wonder if you’ll ever find love again and deep feelings of dire hopelessness may start to creep in. Some of you may even start to believe in the lie that this is “the end”, that you have missed your opportunity for happiness, and that your desires for a relationship may never be met.
No. You were born worthy of the greatest love.
However if singleness is what you truly desire, there is also no shame in that. But if you desire more, please know that you deserve more. It is reachable and possible as long as you can conceive the very notion.
An important thing to note is that your relationship status does not change your worthiness. Often, we fall into a trap of believing that a relationship is a badge of honor, as if we have graduated into another class because we are with someone. This line of thinking can cause deep problems, because if and when things don’t work out, we are now led to question our worth.
Heart check: What is keeping you from feeling completely worthy of love?
What are the factors you convince yourself will mean you deserve to be loved more? Is it priding in your outward appearance? Is it having a successful career? Is it maintaining a particular lifestyle? We are sold the idea that if we sculpt ourselves into a man’s physical ideal, we become the “marrying kind”. The truth is you are already the marrying kind – you now have to determine the kind you marry. Whoever loves you needs to be able to do so in your most natural and raw state. The state where you have just woken up with dried up drool on the side of your face, complete with morning breath and bed hair. The state where you have put on 30 pounds that you cannot seem to shift. The state where you have lost your job and you’re working through what that transition looks like. The state where when life happens to you, it would not be that shift that would shift his love.
To get to a space where we believe we are worthy of the greatest love regardless of our situations is deep and hard soul work. We often rely on these shallow reassurances (great appearance or good job), but these are temporary. You need to know that intrinsically that because you are living and breathing – you are enough.
It may feel false at first. Let me be honest, it feels incredibly false at first.
A foreign sounding affirmation. A post-it note to yourself. However many times you have to say it – do.
Quite like any habit (good or bad) – the more you practice it, the more you become it.
So how do you recognize the greatest love?
Late last week, I wrote a status on my personal Facebook page simply saying “Ladies, marry well.”
A friend rightly asked – “Can you please define well?”
My response was as follows:
“Someone of good character. Someone who is selfless, courageous and full of faith. Someone who perseveres. A visionary. A leader. And any other quality that resonates with your heart and passion.”
When you break down love, when you truly begin discovering what it is, the first thing you notice is that it never gives up. Love works through the hardest of situations. It’s tough to throw away. When you love, you care more about the other person than yourself. Great loves are content with who you are right now, even if they desire more and better for you.
Great loves are hard to find, but it’s worth it.
As people trickle off into twos, it can become tempting to find someone who “will just do”. However charm, beauty and convenience fades. When you’re in the thick of life together, you want someone who is going to be by your side completely. Someone who will join you in risking it all to gain it all.
With great loves, the aim is to experience full intimacy – complete nakedness. Marriage is designed to be a constant uncovering and undressing of self. Not just physically – that’s simple – but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Great loves are an act of faith.
You are worthy of experiencing this.
In addition, unless you are in an abusive situation, the person you are in relationship with is worthy of experiencing these things too.
They deserve the very best of you and you deserve the very best of them.
That’s why understanding your worth and your value is so key – because it puts you in the best position to serve.
I almost did not share this post, because I am no relationship expert, a baby in marriage, and I am very much working through understanding and declaring my worth.
However, I am of the belief that at least one person needs to hear this: